Leading By Example

I ran into Alexis' grade 3 teacher recently.  The first words out of her mouth when she realized who I was were words of condolence.  She said she remembered Lex as a beautiful well behaved, quiet girl and actually of all the children who have passed through her classes during her career Lex stood out as one of her favorites. Her reaction when she realized who I was, was, sad and uncomfortable.  She expressed her feelings and then kept repeating how good I looked, to the point where I actually felt ill at ease because I wasn't acting or looking miserable.
Funny, how people expect you to  grieve on the outside, maybe if I walked around with a wad of balled up Kleenex in my hand constantly dabbing my teary eyes that would fit her image of how a grieving mother should act.  Instead of feeling proud of the person I  project when I am out, she  made me feel like I shouldn't be happy or friendly. This is the 1 dimensional preconceived notion of the grieving parent that I have encountered before.  The fact that I am able to carry on with my life by being a productive person with a positive attitude should be applauded because I have worked hard to get to this point.  Projecting positivity doesn't mean I am not heartbroken over her death, but I owe it to both Alexis and Danielle to try.  Alexis modelled this very behaviour right up to the moment she died.  I can only imagine how hard this must have been for her knowing what she was facing but, she did it. She needed everyone  to feel comfortable in her presence and she needed to be treated as normally as possible.  Fulfilling these goals was important, surrounding herself  with positive energy helped her to maintain a good attitude thus sustaining a good quality of life and  I can say unequivocally and that she achieved both.  So how can I not attempt to attain the same goals as  Lex?   I know with my entire being how disappointed she would be if I didn't try, this was not her way, it is not my way, I am not that 1 dimensional grieving parent.    The way I conduct myself literally models Alexis', who lead by example - behaving in the way she wished to be treated.  I also hope I am a role model for Dani by showing her that you can have a full, positive life in spite of suffering the greatest sadness.