28-Strengh (Koach)

Strength in an interesting thing, it’s subjective like quick silver, I really never saw myself as strong, it was all a show for Lex, if she saw me as strong, unwavering in my belief that she would be ok then she would also be strong and I needed her to be strong. Strength is also hope and faith and they are interchangeable, as long as I had hope and faith I could be strong as long as I was strong I felt hopeful, this attitude left no room for doubt and provided a bonus trickle down affect to her dad, sister and the rest of our family who mirrored my behaviour when with Lex. Unfortunately we all lost our battle in the end, losing Alexis was a blow that no amount of Koach can help you recover from. After she died I still saw 28’s everywhere but instead of hope I felt dread because I believed that 28 was a warning, you better be strong because something bad is about to happen. Today, 7 years later I am still seeing 28’s but now I think that Lex is sending them to me, she believed until her last breath that they were positives, as long as she kept seeing them she would be ok. As we approach the 7th anniversary of her death I am grateful for the memories I have of her, especially those last weeks in Israel. However, when triggered the sadness I feel is still staggering but I am glad for this because I never want to be comfortable and accepting of her unfair, heartbreaking death.