What I Learned.....

What I learned during Alexis’s illness was that I am strong. That I am capable of mentally lifting a car if I need to. I discovered that I was able to talk to her doctors in a way that made them ask if I was a medical professional, when I was just a mom trying to understand. I learned that I could spend countless hours reading anything and everything I could get my hands on about ALL so that when the doctors recommended a course of action I would almost understand how it would help her and what the side affects would be. I learned how strong Alexis was, coping with hours of Chemotherapy and the side effects and never once complaining. I discovered that I could be strong for Alexis so she could feel safe. I learned that I could function on very little sleep, the result of ’sleeping’ in a chair countless nights in the hospital so Alexis wouldn’t be alone. I found out that I could competently travel with Alexis to Israel chasing a medical miracle without speaking the language, understanding the money or knowing the geography and still find an apartment, shop for groceries and deal with both our needs. I learned I could survive her death. I learned I could pick up the shattered pieces of my life and move forward. I learned I could find joy, and be happy again. I learned that although time does not ease the searing pain of sadness it does act as a balm to soften the edges.