Monday, January 6, 2014

LISA AND CHESTER'S WEDDING

This month Dani and I attended the most beautiful wedding.  Alexis' friends Lisa and Chester were married on Dec. 30, in Jamaica.  I have so many mixed emotions that it's been difficult to sort them out.  We've been waiting a long time for this wedding.   Lisa and Chester have been together for 11 years and they met because of Alexis.  I believe that you can gauge the quality of a person by the friends they keep and Lex's friends are wonderful.  Kind, generous, caring and even after 3 years missing her terribly.  Their love and devotion to her memory is both heartwarming and terribly sad.  I have been insulated in my grief and although I am aware that she was loved and is missed by others I hadn't given it much thought until this trip.  These friends loved Lex completely and I am so proud.
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Dec. 29, was the 3rd anniversary of Alexis' passing.  It was also the night before the wedding, Dani and I were quietly watching the sunset when we noticed an unusual cloud formation that resembled two letters I and C,  holes in the clouds with the orange of the sunset glowing behind them that were so compelling that I took a picture of them. I  C,  we both felt that we were seeing a message from Lex telling us that she was with us, watching.
                      
It was important to Lisa to include Alexis in her wedding so she borrowed a beaded necklace that Lex had made and  braided it into her hair, she also wore one of Lex's bracelets.  The wedding was in a beautiful setting overlooking the ocean,  the weather perfect, the bride radiant, the groom handsome, everyone looked wonderful and the feeling of love caressed us like the warm sun on our skin.  Then a song was played by the violinist that was not part of the playlist  provided by the bride and groom.  'Somewhere Over the Rainbow and Its a Wonderful World'  is a song that I have not been able to listen to in 3 years because I associate it so strongly with Alexis and there it was played in its entirety.  Everyone was stunned and then, not stunned because we understood that Lex was telling us that she was with us on this important day.

As happy as I am for Alexis' friends as they move through their lives, I am also saddened by what we all have lost.  Sometimes I try to pretend that Alexis is living her life, working, travelling, married and  having children.  I try to imagine that she was never touched by this terrible disease that stole her from us. That my beautiful child never felt the fear that she had to face.  I see her running around organizing everyone, beaming her beautiful smile at us happy and excited about life's possibilities.  I pretend that the words of the song 'Somewhere Over the Rainbow and It's a Wonderful World' were true for her.  When I awake from my dreaming to the harsh reality of her absence from my world I am grateful that she surrounded herself with such wonderful people and I realize that it is these friends that are her legacy and I am comforted by this.

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