Friday, September 12, 2014

Acceptance

During the grieving process it's tempting to look for reasons why your child died.  Perhaps if she hadn't gotten mononucleosis as a teen a possible precursor to Leukemia she wouldn't have died or maybe we should have moved because of our proximity to a Hydro field or,  you shouldn't have fed your family processed foods, or allowed them to drink tap water, or used Nix shampoo a pesticide when the entire grade 1 class got lice. There are so many variables that we are exposed to every day that could cause Cancer that attempting to pinpoint a specific cause is virtually impossible, but that doesn't  mean  you don't try.  In my opinion a much healthier and more positive route and I believe the true beginning of the 'healing' process,  begins with acceptance, when you finally understand that your child is truly gone, and, yes in the beginning I felt like somehow magically she would come bouncing through my front door, that her death was somehow a terrible, cruel mistake.  Acceptance happens when you realize that gone is gone...forever.  Focusing on her death instead of remembering her life is not healthy.  But nothing about this experience is easy accepting her death means letting go, but letting go doesn't mean forgetting - just the opposite.  Accepting the death of an adored one  is a process that takes time, years, probably a lifetime and there is no rush.  I realized that I needed to embrace my life, find peace and be happy it doesn't mean I no longer grieve quite the opposite I will always grieve the loss of my daughter as I will always love her with my whole heart  and it is because of this love that I choose to honour her life and not dwell on her death.

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