Mother's Day et al.

I didn't write about Mother's Day yet because I wanted the dust to settle a little before I tackled it, obviously it's a big subject.
We began attending a group for parents who have lost a child, it was suggested to us not because we particularly need it, but because we may find comfort in the company of others who feel as we do. Sitting in a room with these poor parents is not comforting to me. Instead I find that after a week where I am busy, relatively upbeat, coping as best I can, I go to this group and all we do is cry over the child we have lost. It's supposed to be a safe place where we can say how we feel, but instead, the heavy sadness in the room weighs me down. I leave these sessions sadder, more depressed than I felt all week. Most of the participants say that they feel alone and the group for them is about companionship and understanding. I don't feel alone, my family and friends are giving me ample opportunity to talk, to grieve. What I have learned is that in order to move forward we must let Lex go. This is so heartbreaking for me but it is also necessary. It doesn't mean I stop loving her or carrying her in my heart, what it means is that we recognize that our world is different now, will never, ever be the same again so, we must adapt to the changes instead of trying to hang on to the way it used to be, that is what Dani, Rick and I are attempting to do. Which brings me to Mother's Day our national Hallmark Holiday, when Dani asked me how I wanted to spend Mothers Day I said "as simply as possible" we decided to go to a movie and out for coffee and it was lovely, I love spending time with her, no gifts, no brunches, no fuss, no muss. I still visited my mom and mother-in-law and of course I visited Lex, but aside from a few memory flashes and a few tears the day was anti-climatic and nice. I hope by creating new rituals or making small changes in the old ones we will continue to move forward. Lex would not want us to wallow.