Getting Through Another Week

I got through another week. I've been out for lunch, coffee or dinner each day. This is both good and bad! Good because I am being kept busy by an army of loving friends who understand my need to be distracted. Bad, because I have put on 5lbs in the last month. I'm trying to exercise but am really not motivated, even an upcoming cruise isn't enough of an incentive for me, so, I bought a new bathing suit in a larger size and have lots of baggy tee shirts to hide in. I'm all about comfort, loose, soft and forgiving clothes are what I'm packing. This trip isn't about glamour it's about peace, Rick and I are hoping to relax, and regroup. We both desperately need this vacation, to feel the warm sun on our faces, to be fed, entertained and not have to think about anything for an entire week.
I realize that eventually I must go on. After so many years of working my life around Lex's, I suddenly find myself free to make changes. Going back to the old routine is painful for me, every choice we made was made with Lex in mind, where I worked, the kind of vacations we took, how we lived and even, where we live. Now sadly, I am free to broaden my horizons. But while all this is true I am also stuck, moving on takes energy and desire, of which I have neither. The old routine while painfully full of reminders is also safe and sure. So, I'll heed the advice given by many of you, 'Lyat Lyat', slowly slowly and hopefully, in time will be ready to explore the options that life presents. For now, I won't think to far ahead, even packing for our vacation feels overwhelming and, it occurs to me that I'm not ready to make any life changing decisions yet. I'll take baby steps, exercise a little, paint a little, and try be open to whatever comes my way. Waiting for the day when I'll be ready to move forward and embrace what life has to offer.