Trying to be Invisible

Lex was a very special girl, she was 'lit from within' there was a special glow about her. Her smile could light up a room and her upbeat personality was always in demand, people liked her. In school Lex was a good student but I used to say that if grades were given out for social skills Lex would have gotten an A++. During the 6 1/2 years she was sick she managed to accomplish alot getting her Human Resources degree, travelling extensively, working. She also had some very special relationships, her life was full, happy, bright. She pushed cancer into the background and living into the foreground and managed to convince everyone around her that she was a normal healthy young woman, who sometimes needed chemotherapy, or medical care for some side effect caused by the drugs. Cancer was an inconvenience to her and that's how she treated it, in fact most of her friends will tell you that they almost forgot that she had cancer at all, even when she was in hospital the atmosphere in her room was always upbeat and positive, with everyone waiting for this silly little illness to go away so she could get on with her life. When she died the shock-wave was palpable no one and I mean no one ever thought she would die, she had us all convinced that if anyone could beat it she could, and sadly she almost did because in the end there was no cancer anymore just a damaged liver.

Tomorrow is 2 weeks, 2 weeks! Where is the time going? Today I got dressed and put on make-up for the first time since she died. Dani, Elise and I went to Vaughan Mills to wander around for a couple of hours it was the perfect choice because it's so quiet there and no one knew us. I find myself avoiding all my usual haunts I don't want to run into anyone I know, I don't want people I don't know to recognise me I'm not ready, not yet. My hairdresser, my gym, my butcher, my manicurist, I'm avoiding them all, I'm worried about being bombarded with questions I don't want to answer, worried about the emotions I won't be able to control. I don't want to talk at all, I don't want to be noticed, I want to be invisible, so I'll be shopping, dining and running errands anonymously at the other end of the city for the next while, until I'm ready.